1. |
Daughter Language
04:30
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You talk about the city, water
bodies meeting water bodies
I bleed in the snow all for a key,
I’m giving you a copy
Larkspur at the cider mill,
I haven’t thought it through, I will
Been drowning all the seedlings on the window sill
Propagate and let them die,
What if that’s like you and I?
Absently you hold the hydrangeas
Learned my frame and graduated,
now, I’ve got a special offer
Hum that daughter language, boy,
You’re already a better father
Diagnose me one more time,
my troubles worsen in your eyes
It’s bad enough you look so good;
to love you would be suicide
Up against the tile, I’m
only that which you define
Tell me that my mother will
cradle me in your disguise
Baby needs a kiss and cries,
throws a tantrum, ruins the night
All the symptoms listed, I’ve
little in me civilized
Hotel Hyannis-wise,
dirty like fourth of july
Wanting to be closer, try
all but skinning us alive
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2. |
Two Scorpios
04:00
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I just cried about throwing your shoes in a gift bag
I just lied about how many people know me like that
Two Scorpios on your pillows, using your mouthwash
A book borrowed, sex videos
(while watching, we both think of 20 year olds)
No god, no grass, no democrat,
uncut and too nice
He goes to class, an undergrad
What am I fucking doing?
Kissing me in my hiking clothes
Down on my knees in sneakers
He thinks I leave the room exposed
filling a teacup with tap water
He knows nothing of being fully undressed
yet he knows all the key words
He says I’m gonna beg for it
but that’s kid shit, like texting or bumming a cigarette
I just begged you to stay with me
You’re afraid, you admit
You just cum, I commit
Listing all my good traits, persuasively
Don’t you love me?
I just cried about pulling the tea from the tea leaves
My inside is out, this is myself most nakedly
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3. |
Gallows
04:48
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Remembering New York, how long ago that feels
Spent all our hard earned money on a ferris wheel
Will Emme learn her name? Do they think I’m to blame?
I cannot fight the urge to play the numbers game
Sometimes I worry you’re gonna die
Sick how those kids now got you on my mind
One year down, what have I to show?
Use a death, a boy I hardly know
just to hear you ask me how I am
I'm in the Gallows, right where I began
An old townhouse in Troy; it feels like home almost
I wake and hold tightly to you afraid of ghosts
Do I cheat on his film, take your picture on the stairs?
You lie upon the couch asleep to polar bears
Like I jumped in the falls on Argentina time,
but just before drowning, I’m changing my mind
I don’t believe in nothin’ that lasts
I’ve seen you get even, an eye for an ass
One year down, what have I to show?
Pour one out, poor babies on a stone
Speculate: broken heart or birth?
How bad do you want me?
That’s my worth
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4. |
Ten
03:43
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Mommy, I want men to hurt me
I am ten and disturbing
Call a specialist,
you threaten, so I watch my wording
But the need, I’m learning—
twenty seven, turning
grew beside me like a pet
Welcome to your first recital
Make it good and vile; I’m a masochist
Guess I should forget the bible,
Heaven knows I’m liable
Honey, if he’s real, your heavy
hand will be atoned
Thinking of you two, together
Don’t need tags, god bless her, to imagine it
No supplements to get me wetter—
that you might like her better
is an infectious little idea
with a magic of its own
Mid-fuck riddle, my dear
aren’t we technically alone?
Michigan will stop a broken bone,
but it cannot save a damaged loser
from a true abuser
Verify the shitty guy that I already know
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5. |
Kiddo
04:22
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Happy anniversary,
this guy just tried to fuck me 30 times
His roommate tripped on LSD,
the other one from Kenyon hit the light
He wasn’t a good person,
he slunk his hands again between my thighs
“Did someone hurt you baby?”
he got horny thinking I’d been victimized
Will you always give a shit about me?
I will always give a shit about you, kiddo
I will always give a shit about you
Happy birthday, Arizona,
you work long days, I’ve been working nights
You said the postcard bothered you, well
that’s nothing like what I’ve been bothered by
You say you want to marry me,
but you also want her bent over your lap
Now I get therapy and you get ass
What is possibility, if nothing but a net for your collapse?
Now you get clarity,
I get pissed drunk and harrassed
Will you always give a shit about me?
I will always give a shit about you, kiddo
I will always give a shit about you.
Will you always give a shit about me?
Don’t cry honey, I know you could not protect me,
I will always feel the way that I do
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6. |
Backwash
03:59
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I let him inside my apartment
It’s all backwash now,
I can see where the bottom is
Looking for his slippers in my garden
To him, I’m a unicorn
and he is a botanist
He needed an hour to himself
to tailor the guilt he felt
when he learned why I cried on the telephone
(how I had to fight someone to keep my body dressed)
I guess he felt violated at the thought of that
so he walked away from me
and left at my loneliest
His family in a coil making bids
on his grandmother’s paintings, post obit
He pleaded like a coward, like a kid
when he seeded the flower that he did.
He was horrified that I delivered,
but I was so desperate to have my baby home
And after all those guys, then why was he denied?
No, he didn’t care for that,
and became a chaperone
What is one degree below a stranger?
I have to remind myself that he’s in a body bag
When I let him inside my apartment,
I got off secretly, I took my body back
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7. |
Matthew Norman
03:39
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Matthew Norman, you know a pretty girl
I imagine her fucking my boyfriend and my fingers curl
Do you check her messages, or are you too good?
Matthew Norman, I hope things are OK
Hearty appetite, regular sleep habits and no need to pray
When I do, it feels like a joke
I’ve been doing it anyway
Matthew Norman, you got lucky, treat her right
She likes Wilco, Dr. Dog and probably Arcade Fire
I know your girlfriend fairly well,
Better than you these days
Matthew Norman, maybe you guessed every bit
Did you playfully ask her not to fall in love on her trip?
How intuitive
Now, you’re a really cool guy, so confident
You encouraged her to go look into it
They say it’s nothing serious but they’re both full of shit
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8. |
Dirty Water
06:16
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Baby, why do you say lucky?
Maybe he just likes me this way
A little playground to have his fun on,
Or maybe draw a little blood on as he plays
I bet you’re wondering how I’ll keep him,
I’ll host a lot of slumber parties, that’s how
Or maybe not everyone gets tired,
Becomes a narcissistic liar
Blaming all his fuck ups on his doubts
“It’s this or death” you cry
You win again
Baby, why do you say lucky?
I didn’t cause him any harm
In wake of loving you throughout,
all he knows of me is how devout
and he holds me now a little tighter in his arms
And if you’re wondering why you lost me,
after all the leaving that you did:
Don’t blame the father of wands,
you’re closing the bondaged blonde,
like I was some deformity you hid
All this aside,
you know it’s you who hides
Synthesize your brains out, tapioca make out
Advocate for progress, then piss and moan your way out
Begging me for mercy, OK, OK I’m weaker
I don’t want your forfeit, and now I don’t want you either
Fall into depression, you forget what sex is
So you let some Midwest girl clean up all your messes
Go and tell your doctor, what a god damn honor
Bathe in absolution. Drain the dirty water
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9. |
Fifty Cents per Ounce
03:29
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The water’s backing up again
so I’m standing in coffee and piss
The intro track to Illinois
plays on the sink, but it’s a remix
I don’t get out of the shower
I just cry, I checked your journal last night
You were three years behind
I heard you’ve been cleaning
I’ll hold on to any detail
A shared account, your dress shoes
Turn off my phone, so I don’t fully derail
I drive around on a bracelet,
making piles of my fingernails
I’ve been cleaning too
I left at 8 from the station
in ten degrees, had a dark scotch ale
or three, I didn’t count
Fifty cents per ounce
Isn’t that so cool?
You’d have loved that bar
The weathermen say travel ban
You say we have shit to discuss
You say I don’t trust you, you love me
You must, I’m asleep with red wine lips in Cheeto dust
I cut the stems from the flowers
so they’d fit in the trash
We’re not on the roof this time
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10. |
Left Hand
04:10
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Watching flyers get their bags checked
When did you become my fear?
You roll your luggage by me
Something bad is inside me, I’m sorry it hurt you
If there’s a fire on the flight deck
or the plane disappears
I know I haven’t said it before, but I’m saying it here
Something inside me is good and sincere
and it loves you, dear
I want to get better, but what if I can’t?
Take another drink and drag,
tell me you don’t want to kiss me back
Twenty six years felt like writing with my left hand
You deserve effortless, a nothing-to-it promised land
Your flight is taking off soon
You say you have to go
I try to make a case for myself,
"That’s not the person you know,
I can be nicer,
I’ll call until the swan is saved
I might bury you down,
but I'll also love deeper than that grave"
I’ll try to be better, but maybe I can’t
When I tell you to leave, stay and wear a party hat
Some have seen the dark in me, I’m not proud of that
I can be your bestest friend just as quick as I can wish you dead
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11. |
Paper Sea
06:56
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I'll dry my heart, I'll wash my bones
A great goodbye to a paper sea I know
Where the sun's afloat a diamond flood
Just because it makes you sing doesn't mean it's love
I still think it's wonderful
But wonder keeps, and I grow old
It rains all day, but I'm not sad
Look what I am because of what I had
Oh, it was cold but I didn't freeze
I cried you a tear, now I'm out of the sea
It was strong, it was sweet
It took me, I was weak
You're still in my chest, I just don't feel you beat
Who are you now? I knew you well
If you're listening, I could never tell
When you let go of my words, they fell
Someday you'll be the sea for someone else
It was nice to be caught up in you
You know I stayed until my hands turned blue
When your name is lost and my voice is new
I'll still know your face when I sing your tune
Oh, it was cold but I didn't freeze
I cried you a tear, now I'm out of the sea
It was strong, it was sweet
It took me, I was weak
You're still in my chest, I just don't feel you beat
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