Worthy

by Figurine

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1.
You talk about the city, water bodies meeting water bodies I bleed in the snow all for a key, I’m giving you a copy Larkspur at the cider mill, I haven’t thought it through, I will Been drowning all the seedlings on the window sill Propagate and let them die, What if that’s like you and I? Absently you hold the hydrangeas Learned my frame and graduated, now, I’ve got a special offer Hum that daughter language, boy, You’re already a better father Diagnose me one more time, my troubles worsen in your eyes It’s bad enough you look so good; to love you would be suicide Up against the tile, I’m only that which you define Tell me that my mother will cradle me in your disguise Baby needs a kiss and cries, throws a tantrum, ruins the night All the symptoms listed, I’ve little in me civilized Hotel Hyannis-wise, dirty like fourth of july Wanting to be closer, try all but skinning us alive
2.
Two Scorpios 04:00
I just cried about throwing your shoes in a gift bag I just lied about how many people know me like that Two Scorpios on your pillows, using your mouthwash A book borrowed, sex videos (while watching, we both think of 20 year olds) No god, no grass, no democrat, uncut and too nice He goes to class, an undergrad What am I fucking doing? Kissing me in my hiking clothes Down on my knees in sneakers He thinks I leave the room exposed filling a teacup with tap water He knows nothing of being fully undressed yet he knows all the key words He says I’m gonna beg for it but that’s kid shit, like texting or bumming a cigarette I just begged you to stay with me You’re afraid, you admit You just cum, I commit Listing all my good traits, persuasively Don’t you love me? I just cried about pulling the tea from the tea leaves My inside is out, this is myself most nakedly
3.
Gallows 04:48
Remembering New York, how long ago that feels Spent all our hard earned money on a ferris wheel Will Emme learn her name? Do they think I’m to blame? I cannot fight the urge to play the numbers game Sometimes I worry you’re gonna die Sick how those kids now got you on my mind One year down, what have I to show? Use a death, a boy I hardly know just to hear you ask me how I am I'm in the Gallows, right where I began An old townhouse in Troy; it feels like home almost I wake and hold tightly to you afraid of ghosts Do I cheat on his film, take your picture on the stairs? You lie upon the couch asleep to polar bears Like I jumped in the falls on Argentina time, but just before drowning, I’m changing my mind I don’t believe in nothin’ that lasts I’ve seen you get even, an eye for an ass One year down, what have I to show? Pour one out, poor babies on a stone Speculate: broken heart or birth? How bad do you want me? That’s my worth
4.
Ten 03:43
Mommy, I want men to hurt me I am ten and disturbing Call a specialist, you threaten, so I watch my wording But the need, I’m learning— twenty seven, turning grew beside me like a pet Welcome to your first recital Make it good and vile; I’m a masochist Guess I should forget the bible, Heaven knows I’m liable Honey, if he’s real, your heavy hand will be atoned Thinking of you two, together Don’t need tags, god bless her, to imagine it No supplements to get me wetter— that you might like her better is an infectious little idea with a magic of its own Mid-fuck riddle, my dear aren’t we technically alone? Michigan will stop a broken bone, but it cannot save a damaged loser from a true abuser Verify the shitty guy that I already know
5.
Kiddo 04:22
Happy anniversary, this guy just tried to fuck me 30 times His roommate tripped on LSD, the other one from Kenyon hit the light He wasn’t a good person, he slunk his hands again between my thighs “Did someone hurt you baby?” he got horny thinking I’d been victimized Will you always give a shit about me? I will always give a shit about you, kiddo I will always give a shit about you Happy birthday, Arizona, you work long days, I’ve been working nights You said the postcard bothered you, well that’s nothing like what I’ve been bothered by You say you want to marry me, but you also want her bent over your lap Now I get therapy and you get ass What is possibility, if nothing but a net for your collapse? Now you get clarity, I get pissed drunk and harrassed Will you always give a shit about me? I will always give a shit about you, kiddo I will always give a shit about you. Will you always give a shit about me? Don’t cry honey, I know you could not protect me, I will always feel the way that I do
6.
Backwash 03:59
I let him inside my apartment It’s all backwash now, I can see where the bottom is Looking for his slippers in my garden To him, I’m a unicorn and he is a botanist He needed an hour to himself to tailor the guilt he felt when he learned why I cried on the telephone (how I had to fight someone to keep my body dressed) I guess he felt violated at the thought of that so he walked away from me and left at my loneliest His family in a coil making bids on his grandmother’s paintings, post obit He pleaded like a coward, like a kid when he seeded the flower that he did. He was horrified that I delivered, but I was so desperate to have my baby home And after all those guys, then why was he denied? No, he didn’t care for that, and became a chaperone What is one degree below a stranger? I have to remind myself that he’s in a body bag When I let him inside my apartment, I got off secretly, I took my body back
7.
Matthew Norman, you know a pretty girl I imagine her fucking my boyfriend and my fingers curl Do you check her messages, or are you too good? Matthew Norman, I hope things are OK Hearty appetite, regular sleep habits and no need to pray When I do, it feels like a joke I’ve been doing it anyway Matthew Norman, you got lucky, treat her right She likes Wilco, Dr. Dog and probably Arcade Fire I know your girlfriend fairly well, Better than you these days Matthew Norman, maybe you guessed every bit Did you playfully ask her not to fall in love on her trip? How intuitive Now, you’re a really cool guy, so confident You encouraged her to go look into it They say it’s nothing serious but they’re both full of shit
8.
Dirty Water 06:16
Baby, why do you say lucky? Maybe he just likes me this way A little playground to have his fun on, Or maybe draw a little blood on as he plays I bet you’re wondering how I’ll keep him, I’ll host a lot of slumber parties, that’s how Or maybe not everyone gets tired, Becomes a narcissistic liar Blaming all his fuck ups on his doubts “It’s this or death” you cry You win again Baby, why do you say lucky? I didn’t cause him any harm In wake of loving you throughout, all he knows of me is how devout and he holds me now a little tighter in his arms And if you’re wondering why you lost me, after all the leaving that you did: Don’t blame the father of wands, you’re closing the bondaged blonde, like I was some deformity you hid All this aside, you know it’s you who hides Synthesize your brains out, tapioca make out Advocate for progress, then piss and moan your way out Begging me for mercy, OK, OK I’m weaker I don’t want your forfeit, and now I don’t want you either Fall into depression, you forget what sex is So you let some Midwest girl clean up all your messes Go and tell your doctor, what a god damn honor Bathe in absolution. Drain the dirty water
9.
The water’s backing up again so I’m standing in coffee and piss The intro track to Illinois plays on the sink, but it’s a remix I don’t get out of the shower I just cry, I checked your journal last night You were three years behind I heard you’ve been cleaning I’ll hold on to any detail A shared account, your dress shoes Turn off my phone, so I don’t fully derail I drive around on a bracelet, making piles of my fingernails I’ve been cleaning too I left at 8 from the station in ten degrees, had a dark scotch ale or three, I didn’t count Fifty cents per ounce Isn’t that so cool? You’d have loved that bar The weathermen say travel ban You say we have shit to discuss You say I don’t trust you, you love me You must, I’m asleep with red wine lips in Cheeto dust I cut the stems from the flowers so they’d fit in the trash We’re not on the roof this time
10.
Left Hand 04:10
Watching flyers get their bags checked When did you become my fear? You roll your luggage by me Something bad is inside me, I’m sorry it hurt you If there’s a fire on the flight deck or the plane disappears I know I haven’t said it before, but I’m saying it here Something inside me is good and sincere and it loves you, dear I want to get better, but what if I can’t? Take another drink and drag, tell me you don’t want to kiss me back Twenty six years felt like writing with my left hand You deserve effortless, a nothing-to-it promised land Your flight is taking off soon You say you have to go I try to make a case for myself, "That’s not the person you know, I can be nicer, I’ll call until the swan is saved I might bury you down, but I'll also love deeper than that grave" I’ll try to be better, but maybe I can’t When I tell you to leave, stay and wear a party hat Some have seen the dark in me, I’m not proud of that I can be your bestest friend just as quick as I can wish you dead
11.
Paper Sea 06:56
I'll dry my heart, I'll wash my bones A great goodbye to a paper sea I know Where the sun's afloat a diamond flood Just because it makes you sing doesn't mean it's love I still think it's wonderful But wonder keeps, and I grow old It rains all day, but I'm not sad Look what I am because of what I had Oh, it was cold but I didn't freeze I cried you a tear, now I'm out of the sea It was strong, it was sweet It took me, I was weak You're still in my chest, I just don't feel you beat Who are you now? I knew you well If you're listening, I could never tell When you let go of my words, they fell Someday you'll be the sea for someone else It was nice to be caught up in you You know I stayed until my hands turned blue When your name is lost and my voice is new I'll still know your face when I sing your tune Oh, it was cold but I didn't freeze I cried you a tear, now I'm out of the sea It was strong, it was sweet It took me, I was weak You're still in my chest, I just don't feel you beat

credits

released April 16, 2021

written by Ashly LaRosa
additional vocals/instrumentation by Goldwoman, Molly Rabuffo, Jack Riley, Tyler Cottrell, Dylan Healy, Michiel Considine, Tom Smart, Nancy Conforti, Garrett Rose
recorded by Justin Bousquet
mixed and mastered by Nancy Conforti
released by Funnybone Records

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Figurine Hartford, Connecticut

blood, sweat and beers

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